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State highway employees to don red

(Montrose) Out with the orange and in with the red. That’s the word at the Colorado Division of Transportation today. Early this morning in a moving, private ceremony highway crews turned in their flashy orange uniform shirts and jackets for a more definitive red.    

The action, in keeping populist federal dress codes (MAG caps), assures the smooth flow of federal highway funds to Colorado for the next fiscal year. Although seen as petty by many the new regulations seek to unify all state road crews under the same color codes. The failure to adhere to the new order could put highway funding in jeopardy. Threats to discontinue funding are clearly linked to cities and states with immigration safe zones and conflicts with federal marijuana laws.

“That orange color was driving a lot of people nuts,” said one critic of the move, “But the expenses incurred in the shift could have been translated into yards and yards of asphalt, tons and tons of gravel. The feds are simply attempting to militarize our local highway workers in the event of insurgent actions in the face of what should be a concerned population.”

At top levels, the color red, is the favorite of the Trump Administration and was preferred three to one by cooperative state officials in a recent survey, is easy to launder and looks good with blue and white on everything from flags to men working signs.

“The switch will cost a pretty penny,” admitted one state engineer, “but we think it’s worth it. The orange had outgrown its usefulness, was garish and made our people look like Halloween characters instead of highway personnel.”

When interviewed most state employees welcomed the change saying that the red shirts might be more relaxing and subtle.

“Try working eight to ten on a windy stretch of road up to your neck in blaze orange,” said one worker who spoke anonymously. “You’ve got orange shirts, hats, trim, accessories, warning signs and vehicles. Enough. The concept of a lighter shade of red can’t hurt. In a fashion sense orange is too hard to match with other colors.”

C-DOT has for years been experimenting with designs as well as color combinations so as to better protect exposed workers from danger on the roadways. Referee-like stripes, green and white checks, bright pastels, varied flesh tones and even electronic blinkers have been suggested.

“Now that the decision to go with red has been finalized we embrace the changes with the full force of our corps of workers,” said one C-DOT boss who for decades has reputedly worn orange underwear and socks, even on his days off. “I’m changing with the times,” he added. “Besides in two more years I’ll be retired and I can wear whatever I like.”

At present all official outfits must contain .08% red or be subject to fine and public ridicule.  Experts say that an entire fleet of red trucks can pass through an area all but unnoticed while one orange pickup sticks out like a sore thumb.

“We don’t want our people or our equipment to draw too much attention. We just want to get the job done and move on to the next bridge, the next chuckhole,” said the C-Dot source. “Orange was an unnecessary distraction along the highway.”

The official refused direct comment when asked if the color-coded move had any connection to Homeland Security decrees. Some elected in Denver have accused the federal gov’ment of manipulating the situation so as to implement further controls at the state level.

– Uncle Pahgre

Thought for the day

Thought for the day

Selfish Rwandan Eaten by Crockodile

A man in Rwanda who breached the ongoing lockdown to reportedly go fishing has been killed and eaten by a crocodile, the mayor of the southern Kamonyi district has told the BBC.

Alice Kayitesi said the Wednesday morning incident happened in the Nyabarongo river.

“He had broken the stay-home rule, he’s among very few people here who are not co-operating with the lockdown to stop the [corona]virus,” Ms Kayitesi said.

The authorities in Rwanda imposed a total lockdown on Sunday as cases of Covid-19 continued to rise.

The East African nation has confirmed 140 cases so far, the highest in the region.

The shutdown of economic activities in the country has severely affected majority of people who are low-income earners.


Two ears, two wheels

Two ears, two wheels

This Easy Rider waits for his master to return from the supermarket in Jardin, Colombia.      (photo by Delinda Austin)

Speak English like a native

Speak English like a native

Our exclusive four-step package includes legal agreements, broken treaties, natural resource management and Ghost Dancing. Buckskin Impressionism linked to Tabuache dialect and the proper application of war paint. Free with purchase: Learn to speak fluent Spanish on the Beans and Rice Diet — more verbs = more onions. More vocabulary = more garlic. (photo by Friends of Colorow)