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Did God Clock Out on Creation Sunday?

from “Be Good Or We’ll Kill You” 

with Rev Phil Pharisee

The other afternoon a faithful contributor asked me if Creation Sunday was a holiday anywhere in the world and if the following Monday might net a day off from the grind. Coming from someone who only works Sundays the answer was an easy one: God does not have a time clock or even a rudimentary hourglass. He is all-knowing and tells time by looking at the sky.

She just looked at me with that saved soul in the headlights gaze, smiled and went back to gossiping and fear. I thought about the query and had a few further thoughts that I’d like to share in this column. My final; summation is that it really doesn’t matter. The world is here either way. People who toe the line will go to heaven while the non-believers will spend their “golden years” roasting in hell.

But let’s get down to the sacred numbers in that proverbial collection plate in the sky.

Imagine the virtual overtime amassed since the beginning of Biblical time. That figure alone could break every bank between Bangor and Bakersfield. 

What if God could collect retroactive pay. Who would play him? Maybe the Vatican or another of the sterling icons of various Christian-Judo guilt and revenge clubs? Maybe John Locke? Maybe Billy Graham Junior? Maybe Hank Williams Junior?

Since there is no record as to any clear indication of hours logged or much solid evidence as to what may have gone down the case would probably wallow in the courts until the next Testament is written. What if space aliens show up in the front pew demanding tribute? Do they have the inside on all of this or do they default to their own gods and priests?

There were, no doubt, very few witnesses other than a few bad angels and self-absorbed archangels on the scene that fateful Sunday a long time ago. That makes it tough to cut through the mustard of creation and the catsup of heavenly warfare yet to come.

“If a god created the world he made a mess that has yet to be eradicated. If one of us humans had done this we’d be drawn and quartered or at least docked on our paychecks. Maybe he or she was bored and hurried through all the fundamentals then went fly fishing or snowboarding at an undisclosed locale in the cosmos. 

For more on this stimulating discussion see Creation: salary arbitration, waived incentives and no trade clauses.