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Man walks off cliff near Chief Ouray Mine

A Missouri man today fell 220 feet from a cliff trail that, despite his GPS reading, ended abruptly. 

With the exception of a few bruises the injured hiker, identified as Syd Fahrt, 46, was pronounced satisfactory, cheated and released from Mao Clinic this afternoon. 

Companions told The Horseshoe that Fahrt, a resident of Farmington, was maneuvering behind an extensive aspen grove and became disoriented when the trail petered out. 

Although he was warned to be careful in the undergrowth he insisted that the trail had to be there because it was clearly shown on his hand-held chaperone.

“He just kept walking, looking down at his phone, then fell over the side,” said one fellow hiker. “Here one minute – gone the next. He got very angry that two plus two no longer equaled four. He lost his cell during the fall. He’s lucky to be alive.”

Hikers are reminded that in the forest certain gadgets may not be as effective as they are on main street. Local authorities suggest using natural instincts and opening one’s eyes to the glories of the Rocky Mountain backwoods.

“Texting and hiking don’t mix,” said one ranger who reminded onlookers that the possession of a smart phone does not guarantee intelligent decisions. “Leave your crutches behind. Slap on some good shoes and bring a jug of water. Try getting in touch with the natural world again.”

Fahrt plans to sue the trailbreakers, the local rescue team, the chamber of comments, The Ute Nation, and the Uncompahgre National Forest for negligence in the matter.

-Pepper Salte