All Entries Tagged With: "designer wildreness"
BLM to construct new wilderness area
Local Events As We Imagine Them
(Denver) A spokesman for the Bureau of Land Management announced today that it would begin work on a multi-million dollar wilderness area just west of the town of Almont before the sun goes down this afternoon.
Like Jack Flash Officials appeared out of thin air, recruiting trees, rocks, deer, elk, bear, lion, marmots, coyote, trout, eagles, hawks and mountain goats for their new backwoods boondocks. They expect to have an indigenous, well-trained, instinctive staff installed by next summer.
This is the second man-made designer wilderness area to be implemented in Western Colorado since the Rockies were a contender. Readers will recall the petti tieux-dieux over the revamping of pastureland in Montrose back in the late Nineties, when the former paradise took on the demeanor of Arvada. The shopping zone is now ranked third in the At Risk Urban Wilderness Places register, according to an impressive academic paper “What if Allah is Nuts Too?” published by the Disappointment Valley Optimists last November.
Almont residents expressed concern over the expected influx of migrant workers who are reportedly headed this way following the announcement of the project.
Newly endorsed Almont Building Inspector Mel Boardfoote-Toole, spent most of last night examining newly poured foundations with a flashlight before driving his 1938 Henway across the river and through the woods and into a large woodpile discarded by fishermen somewhere near the Enchanted Almont Triangle.
“I almost fell out after all that figuring but some space creatures woke me up just before I started flowing down toward Gunny,” winced Toole. “They said they were cruising to Pitkin County to perform “life-threatening surgeries on the mindless rich” according to the one who spoke tolerable English.
Anyone involved in this project or this news account has until midnight Thursday to turn himself into the Tin Cup police and receive a full pardon, compliments of the local chamber of commerce. Vacillators will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.
– Gabby Haze
Lost: Jar of stupid pills. Name on label. Need for work on Monday. Patent pending. Antidote on order. Emily Sweetwater, Cannabis Grove.