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(Los Angeles) Local police arrested Guy LeRoy Cuspid, 99, of Redondo Beach, charging him with menacing and assault in the shooting of the Tooth Fairy at his residence last night. Cuspid’s son Slim, 74, had reportedly lost a tooth earlier in the day and had not informed his father that he was summoning the Tooth Fairy. As is the custom, he simply put his lost tooth under his pillow and went to sleep. 

When Cuspid arrived home from his job at a local slaughterhouse, he walked smack dab into the Tooth Fairy in the hallway and opened fire. Neighbors say they heard a series of shots at about eleven-thirty.

When police arrived on the scene, they found Cuspid standing over the bleeding Tooth Fairy and his kid, Slim, crying his eyes out. The senior shooter was transported to jail, the Tooth Fairy rushed to Conquest of Paradise Mission Hospital and Slim was handed a chocolate bar by the arresting officer.

At press time, the Tooth Fairy, in stable but guarded condition, is expecting a complete recovery and should be back at work by Monday according to a union representative.

– Fred Zeppelin