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GET A JUMP START ON THE SUMMER WITH KASHMIR’S COCKTAILS

Sick of slamming beers or sipping gin and tonics with a wedge of lime on a hot afternoon? You’re not? Perfect. Here then are some indigenous alcoholic offerings to see you through those tough days at work or the lonely hours before the welfare check arrives.

GIN AND RUNOFF. Why waste perfectly good bottled drinking water when there’s a parasitic stream nearby. After about six of these babies everyone will be in the pool. You can bet on it! Make sure to rinse the sand and gravel out of the pitcher on each application. We suggest a cheap gin served in a martini glass or a plastic cup.

MOLOTOV COCKTAIL. Somewhat radical in application but certain to satisfy. Can be made with rum or gin for a summer treat but generally concocted with Russian vodka straight out of the trough. Allow basic ingredients to mellow for at least three hours before consumption. Beats the hell out of most of Mr. Boston’s offerings and/or the manufactured wine cooler. A-9 on our map.

TROUT AND TONIC. When will it all end? This is another stream-side cocktail preferred by thirsty fishermen everywhere. Make sure to get the hook out before chugging! Dip your catch in a glass of tonic, garnish, then enjoy. Only 300 calories per fish!

THE AMERICAN CIVIL WAR COOLER. A regional favorite especially along the Mason-Dixon Line, this mixture demands a shot of Southern Comfort with a bottle of Narraganset lager. First: Open the Narraganset. Smell that aroma. Take a swallow (swaller if you are in a border state). Then quickly refill that empty space with the Southern Comfort. After a few of these you’ll look like a southern belle lobster on ‘ludes. Hey it’s summer. You’re reasonably young. Hangovers always go away.

MINT JULEP W/ SIDE OF GRITS. This is the one they’re raving on about in Oxford, Mississippi! Sure, it’s just the old standby with a mint leaf clinging to a long-stemmed party glass but the grits…They say it all, y’all. Show your friends that being an afternoon lush can be amusing as well as tasteful. We suggest low cholesterol grits which can be had at any progressive liquor outlet.

JACK DANIELS AND ASPARAGUS JUICE. Made popular at the Crested Butte Athletic Club. It offers a nice kick while remaining on the healthy side of life. For a special treat add a splash of ditch water and top off with your favorite pollen.

ROAD KILL COLADA. Are you short of ice? This one can be enjoyed hot or cold on or off the highway. Just add your favorite mix. Suggestions are prairie dog and pineapple, magpie slush and blended venison grog.

HULA-HOOP TEA. Combine gin, bourbon, rum, scotch, vodka, brandy, cream de menthe and top off with imported beer. Imbibers will soon jump through hoops or anything else nearby.

LOAF OF BREAD AND A JUG OF MILK. This is simply a shot and a beer and has been a code word for sneaky sippers needing to get out of the house since Oliver Cromwell was a boy..

We hope you will experiment with all of these somewhat delicious KASHMIR COCKTAILS and effectively fall off your bar stool long before the leaves fall off the trees. Note: These drinks can be served in a non-alcoholic state by substituting yogurt and/or sprouts for the booze. Vegetarians are instructed to call the Wyoming Beef Council before digging as hidden underground cable could define the availability of crushed ice.

Master Algonquian with the Yaocomaco on St Mary’s Peninsula, Maryland. Two and six week courses now forming.

Includes meals and fishing gear. Greene Exit. Keep left.