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Western Gives Cornhuskers Solid Beating

Will Take on Michigan Next

(Gunnison) The Western State University Mountaineer Poker Team beat Nebraska in both 7-card stud and 5-card draw this evening running their season’s record to 15-0. The hapless flatlanders were set back on their heels from the start as Mountaineer standout Melvin Toole flashed a queen high straight in the first hand. He then followed with a low straight flush and 4 sevens before dropping out in the fourth go round.

     “We expected a little more from the Nebraska dealers,” said WSC coach “Toots” Newberry, who has been at the gambling helm since 1960. “Maybe it was the long bus ride but they just didn’t seem to have the concentration.”

     In the later rounds, the Western State players simply ran away with the match, cleaning out the Cornhuskers and even pulling in personal jewelry, stereo equipment, a late model pickup truck and assorted IOUs. At the finale, as the midnight oil burned brightly, Newberry himself was forced to disallow a controversial transaction.

     “One of their players wanted to bet that stupid looking mascot, Billy Cornhusker or something. I had a feeling my guy had a full house,” said the card coach. “I stepped in and stopped play.”

     Western State’s poker squad was one of the first teams organized after federal funds were made available for parlor games in 1984. The athletic department had recently dropped baseball and was looking for a spring sport to take its place. Poker has been a very successful program at the college ever since. Profits have even paid the heating bill in classroom buildings some Januarys.

     Next on tap for the Mountaineers is a deceptive Wolverine club, a group that has been accused of dealing off the bottom of the deck on more than one occasion. When the chips are down Western will be a six-pot favorite to clean up.

– Bart Maverick