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China Cuts Off Chicken Feet

(San Francisco) China will suspend all exports of chicken feet until the spring it was announced this morning. Despite a seemingly cordial exchange during President Obama’s visit there last month, fiscal commentators fear the worst.

     “He must have done something to piss them off,” said a colored analyst at FOX News.

     “He got tough behind the scenes and forced China to regulate trade deficits,” said a news anchor at National Public Radio.

     In a tedious exchange, blending Pol Potesque social order with a menu of 16th Century Machiavellian personality disorders, China has agreed to accept 3 megatons of campaign litter from the United States if the Obama Administration will simply sit down to a kimchee dinner summit in Pyongyang.

     The White House, which has reportedly denied already asking what it can bring to the talks, has promised a decision on this newest development by the weekend.

     The Chinese prefer to use campaign litter, written in English, in their little ovens that churn out billions of inessential plastic objects for export.

     “We don’t want workers to loaf around reading about Walter Mondale or Bob Dole when they are supposed to be making plastic,” said one factory supervisor through an interpreter. 

– Ripple Van Winkle

“The highlight of Semana Santa, hell the whole winter…was the singing of The Saints Go Marching In in Spanish by those dangerous priests and their congregation, who just the other day preached doom at memories of the Crucifixion. This Easter morning and are now elated that this nice Jewish guy has returned from the dead, shocking his critics and  instituting the sacred money chain that exists to this day.”    

– Fred Zeppelin, Easter in the Andes