All Entries Tagged With: "busting pot smokers"

Forest Service Notes

USFS defends drone use

     Elite branches of the United States Forest Service will be employing un-manned drones to control negative and anti-social behavior in the woods this summer. Targets will include troublesome bear, aggressive lions, mean campers, litterbugs, pot smokers (It’s federal land, bub) and squatters. The maneuvers, which will begin in July, could save the agency thousands of dollars in man hours and record keeping costs.

     Persons wishing to give input on this deviation from the norm should attend a public meeting slated for Tuesday at the Maybell Town Hall in Moffat County unless the wind is blowing. Maybell has the distinction of recording the coldest ever temperature in the state of Colorado (-61 below zero) in 1985, which has little to do with drones.

     “We are undermanned and the criminal element is everywhere,” said a USFS spokesperson, “and it ain’t even hunting season yet.”

Colorado Moves to Privatize Beaches

     A plan to privatize a majority of state beaches in Colorado has generated little reaction due in part to the state’s limited shoreline. Of the 3500 residents polled more than 90% say that the issue does not deserve attention compared to serious issues such as gay marriage, legal marijuana, Rockies’ relief pitching and gun control. Major shorelines found near such spots as Blue Mesa, Dillon Reservoir and Cherry Creek Reservoir will remain much the same as far as access and regulations.

     “They will just be private rather than public which opens the door for drilling and development,” said a state source.

     “This is the first step in rescinding all former water agreements with other states such as Nevada, Arizona and California,” said adjudication experts on the scene. “As global warming continues to worsen we have to focus on reserving our water, as well as our beaches.”

Cannabis Float Trips Targeted by Feds

     If you’re taking one of the many Cannabis Float Trips offered in Colorado this summer beware of attacks by federal gangs aimed at ruining your afternoon. Thanks to a decree by the Obama Administration all waterways, rivers, lakes and canals are now under direct federal supervision and activities on or near these “tributaries of national security” are subject to United States law. Enlisted and culled by elements of Homeland Security, the patrolling thugs are unpaid but make a hefty profit on boats and personal belongings of rafters which are confiscated according to zero tolerance legislation enacted late last night after the bars closed. Rivers that are most likely to be affected are the Yampa, the Colorado, the Gunnison and the Uncompahgre.

– Rocky Flats