All Entries Tagged With: "ban humans"

The dreaded solution

OP-ED by Joy Stillheart

Sitting alone in my bombed out jockey bloomers, sand dune stiletto clogs, and oxford bag waddle suspenders, draped in a maroon stretch waistcoat , accented in accompanying transparent sparkle-bright yoga tights I have embraced original thought, albeit vague, and certain frightening realizations.

Attached to all the trouble on this planet is one entity. Humans. The catalyst and often the direct cause for what ails us. I sip on my Oh Be Joyful and reminisce about the old days and their old days and the old days of people who are no longer living. I think about the new days for those not yet born.

When overpopulation stares one in the face in Western Colorado imagine life in other worlds where there is barely room to breathe, to move, to reach, to sit, to stand, to be at peace.

My bomb shelter might hold. It might not. 

A high percentage of the problems currently facing people are generated by people. We have impossible scenarios in immigration, abortion, weapons, climate change, water, endangered species, racism and intolerance while the rich stockpile and the poor starve. Those still hanging on to the middle remain bewildered which is probably a safe enough place to hide.

The old numbers don’t work anymore. The experiment is a failure. It’s time to ban us.

Among her other ribald accomplishments Ms Stillheart spent the better part of her childhood as a 40-year-old man. In 1999 she illegally parachuted from the Terminal Tower in Cleveland, Ohio, skipping across Lake Eire and barely missing Lake Ontario. Upon her incarceration she produced proof of her affection for the Bluejays and, after a lengthy apology by the Royal Canadian Mounting Police, was promptly released into her own custody. She was awarded Ms Congeniality while on tour as a mercenary in the Congo in 1988 and chaired the foreign service desk at the Disappointment Valley Optimists’ Club from 1989 to its disbanding by vigilantes in 1998. She blames most of her adult issues on the nuns without elaborating further.