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All Cars to Be Same Color by ’30

(Detroit) According to the nation’s big three auto makers all cars manufactured after 2025 will be the same color. This will hold true with cars and trucks made in the U.S. as well as those produced by other major players such as Japan, Germany, Russia and Great Britain.

According to an auto industry spokesperson there is no utilitarian purpose for all the colors, which were only an enticement aimed at getting people to buy cars that they thought would make a statement such as the red Corvette, the black Dakota or the silver Land Rover.

“We think today’s driver is brighter and wants to save on unnecessary frills,” clutched a high industry source. “What is red anyway but a mixture of orange and black? And what of canary yellow, or blue opal? It’s all but an illusion.”

At present every car will be painted desert tan, as it comes off the assembly line, but marketing departments are scurrying to come up with a more exciting sounding name than desert tan.

“It’s kind of a screened prune color or maybe even a rose adobe or shrouded copper, I don’t know,” he said. “I’m sure our people will come up with something nice even if it makes no logical sense at all.”

Consumer reaction was mixed with some saying color is one of the major factors to consider when purchasing a vehicle and others saying you can’t tell the difference between a Cadillac and a Mercedes anymore anyway.

“They might as well all be the same color,” quipped one potential buyer. “I’d just like to meet the person who sold them all that paint.”

– Gabby Haze 

If you put enough words, ideas, characters and conclusions in one end a story is bound to come out the other. It’s physics, or chemistry, or prune juice. I don’t know.” – Melvin Bedwetter O’Toole, on the anniversary and recognition of formula novel writing, chain bookstores and payola publishing in America.