All Entries Tagged With: "Apostles"

Apostles not Jesus’ team says Lackluster

(Narrow Frontal Plaza) Never does the Christian Bible refer to the 12 renown Apostles as a team. What are these revisionists thinking? Apostles are loyal, dedicated,  esteemed, often fanatic followers while teams are made up of players who might get traded to Cleveland tomorrow.

These people where never a team in any respect. They were not simply players. To classify them as sixth men or taxi squad or utility persons does them a serious injustice. To do so diminishes their importance in the early folklore of the sect. 

Dr. Simon Lackluster, a nocturnal geologist (aka “the sidearms reverend) on loan from the University of Caucasoid (Norway) sees a wide chasm between apostle and team.

“Superstition has a life all its own. Those years when I ran the mega-church people always wanted me to answer their questions about mortality, so I did . Later when they asked me to preach in their churches and pulpit their Bible studies I opted out for a brief, but concentrated drunk in downtown Rifle. Guilty? Certainly. Poor? No,” he coughed.

“The use of corporate lobotomy skid words like team, whatever and especially reach out is so blisteringly trite and insincere that it makes me want to vomit,” adds Sister Suzie Sinbad, a former Mother Superior on Lake Ontario who was disbarred from the convent for allegedly torturing squirrels in the nearby forests while the other nuns were at vespers.

“Cock-A-Doodle-Doooo…!”  – Conor Sturgeon upon seeing Rica Merluza for the first time