All Entries Tagged With: "Apocalypse"

End of world already happened says scientist

(Ouray) A transcendental scientist here says the much-feared end of the world has already taken place and that what we see and experience now is simply a dream. Dr. Melrose Tinkleholland, BFD, LSMFT, former director of the Macro-Buddhist Study Institute on Red Mountain says the end came fifteen years ago but that everyone had been too busy to notice it.

“Today,” he asserted, “our entire spectrum is dependent on the generally Lilliputian human imagination to support cosmic flow created by the revolutions of other heavenly bodies.”

Tinkleholland, who catapulted to fame in early 1988, after proving that Elvis Presley was alive and living on the planet Neptune, is the former chair of the Department of Astrology and Sports Medicine at the prestigious Cal Amari Institute. Later he offered strong evidence that the earth was not only visited by extraterrestrials but that these space wanderers were particularly attracted to the cowboy culture in the Rockies.

“They still like to dress up like cowboys when given the chance,” said Tinkleholland. “Who wouldn’t?”

The professor claims to have photographic evidence of an alien visitor riding a bull at the 2018 Ouray Rodeo, held in Ridgway. 

“He made it to the bell but swallowed his chew,” laughed Tinkleholland. “They sure don’t make ‘em like they used to.”

Restating his appraisal that our world is only a dream, the professor looked down his nose at assembled guests saying, “There’s really no reason to worry anymore. We might just s well have a good time.”

– Estelle Marmotbreath