Solar Appearance Frightens Hill Tribes

(Puncheon Head) The presence of a “great ball of fire in the sky” this morning has sent local hill tribes scurrying for cover. After three weeks of solid moisture Morningstar Walkingstick, of the Ghete-Bennie Group, said his people had become so accustomed to rainfall that the brightness caught them off-guard.

“We were concerned that an entire generation might not experience life in the sun,” said Walkingstick, who readers may remember from the popular Coppertone Tanning Oil commercials in the Sixties.

The medicine man, a powerful chief in the often cannibalistic Ghete-Bennies, explained that most of the adult members had simply accepted the necessity of carrying an umbrella to work and the donning of boots made from ground corn and discarded snow tires.

“Although the additional wardrobe clashed with our ceremonial getups we seem to have managed well,” he smiled. This is supposed to be high desert but with all this rain we have wash boards on the racetrack and frogs in our wigwams.”

Meanwhile in other weather-related stories: Melvin O’Toole, executive town manager pro tem of nearby Wimpton has been handed his walking papers due to a daytime fireworks display held over the weekend. The show, generally reserved for after dark, featured almost two hours of fireworks which angered townsfolk in this jerkwater villa (once the summer estate of Giuseppe Garibaldi), perched high above the rocky shores of Peach Valley.

Toole, who had insisted that the fireworks show (which cost taxpayers almost five thousand dollars) would be intrinsically the same day or night, felt that parking problems and wild animal attacks could be alleviated by a little innovation. Always one to land on his feet, Toole has already accepted a position promoting flu shots for the American Medical Association. – Dinty Moore