RV Ascends Mt. Taco

(Ridgway) Just when you think the last RV has flown south for the rest of the winter the unexpected happens. Last night a 4500 foot, self-contained, Open Road RV successfully ascended 14,001-foot Mt. Taco in the San Juan Mountains. Driven by Beth and Walter Whisper of Sun City, Arizona, the slow-moving recreational vehicle reached the top at about 4 pm Rocky Mountain Time much to the relief of a line of traffic they had held up all the way back to Highway 62.

“Many of our neighbors thought it was Santa’s sleigh at first but the `I’m spending my children’s inheritance’ mud flaps gave it away,” said a local sheriff’s deputy who asked not to be associated with any of this.

Authorities have been in contact with the pilot and co-pilot (the Whispers) in an attempt to determine whether the feat was conducted by plan or if the visitors had simply lost their way on the trip back to Grand Canyon State. Either way it is hoped that the RV has been stocked with provisions since the earliest rescue is projected for late May.

DEER HITS ELK ON HIGHWAY 550

(Colona) A 200-pound mule deer collided with a 800-pound bull elk near here last night causing a few tense moments for motorists traveling home during rush hour. Although the incident had the earmark of a major disaster there were no serious injuries reported. Damage is estimated at about $3500 as the mule deer sustained some front-end damage and the elk suffered an electrical setback.

According to a ranger with the Division of Wildlife the accident was unavoidable and there were no tickets issued.

“It’s amazing that we don’t have more of this type of thing what with the lackadaisical migratory habits of these big galoots,” said the spokesperson. “They never look where they’re going but at least these bozos were wearing seat belts!”

The deputy declined to comment further as he was called off to investigate the presence of a rather large RV perched/stuck near the summit of Mt. Taco near Ridgway.

EAT  MORE  ROUGHAGE, DOW  WARNS  DEER

(Denver) Wildlife experts over at the DOW on Broadway are warning deer to eat more roughage and avoid burning the candle at both ends during the winter months. Most of the animals, they insist, reach burnout point way before the spring thaw because they don’t take care of themselves.

“The level of decadence that gets them through the night can be just as dangerous as skiing or sky diving if one isn’t prepared both physically as well as mentally,” said a DOW pencil man on his way out to lunch.

Designated herds have already been enrolled in group therapy here where that move is appropriate according to sources on the Western Slope where deer are as thick as Kangaroos in Alice Springs. It is from within this pool that natural selection will determine “the chosen” who will enjoy the paradise that is summer in Colorado.

The overpopulation of deer near state and federal highways, and especially on county roads has become a nightmare for drivers after dark. Despite years of investigation and millions of dollars spent to control the migrations of these beasts the situation remains pretty much the same.

“The way we see it we have two choices,” said Averill Fireaway, a spokesman for Elk Steak For Breakfast, “either we shoot the deer and have a bonanza barbecue or we go back to horseback and carriages.”

Other parties are not so sure as Fireaway what direction to follow. Many feel the DOW is pampering the animals and still there say let nature take its corpse.  -Hondo Hondo