Paper won’t get tax break

(Ridgway, CO — September 25, 2014) The San Juan Horseshoe has been denied non-profit status in a decision handed down by a Superior Quart here Thursday. The rather shoddy flyer has been petitioning lawmakers to bend the rules since it claims it has operated its publication as a recognized religion in Colorado since 1977.
“We are aware of a bundle of folks who are currently making in the dough and not paying a penny in tax since they are classified as a religion by state and federal government,” said an attorney for the publishing concern. “We too have rituals, and stringent beliefs, and love in our hearts and a strong moral code here at the paper,” said the lawyer who added that regular readings from the newspaper often have an impact on one’s salvation.
“The way we got it figured your chances of going to heaven with us are just as good as entering the Pearly Gates with the others,” he said.
“A bit of nonsense or a joke can have the same healing affect as a blessing in a posh cathedral or a sermon in a strip mall chapel, and it’s free.”
– St. Roscoe of Paducah