Obituary JOHN Q. FLY

Close friends and family bemoan the passing of John Q Fly this morning. Fly, a short-timer resident of the San Juan and Elk Mountains was survived by countless shirttail relatives and an estimated 2000 maggots. His burial details were not released but it is surmised that his mangled carcass was simply thrown into the trash or a wood stove.

The cause of death has been determined to be a rolled up copy of The San Juan Horseshoe. A  quondam casket, proxy memorial will be announced by the weekend.

Although his exact birthdate remains unknown, Fly managed to pester and annoy more than 3500 people in the region during his brief, but active stay. All who knew him agreed that he enjoyed his work. Although not much of a sportsman, he loved to eat fish and was especially attracted to sugar and grease throughout his too short existence.

Ancestors include maternal grandparents John L Fly and Margaret Q Fly of the Newport Gadflies and maiden aunt Bess Tsetse Diptera who had a major impact on John when he was but a maggot himself. In contrast, her lifelong partner Elrod Caddis served as a particularly bad example, preferring to hang around urinals and feed lots than take on any real family responsibility.