Not so fast there Saint Whosit:

with Rev Phillip Pharisee 

former WWF champion turned man of the cloth

Sometimes our sacred concept of forgiveness a little more involved…a little more give, and less take. It’s like cheating at golf – the cheater loses before the first ball drops into the cup…instant karma strikes again! The self-canonized goes down in flames….You can sin but you can’t hide. 

We have heard yearnings of late as to the many Biblical cherry pickers screened/detained at the Pearlies. Apparently they must show proof that they indeed have a soul. A lack of compassion while on earth could net a long wait in Purgatory until your case can be reviewed.

Earth’s relentless spinning is blamed for social disorder and Strife. The human predicament. We suffer from a subconscious desire to remain stupid even though the options to upgrade the intellectual experience are close at hand. Looks like we’re in for another bumpy ride. 

Everyday, it seems someone new is asking me: Rev Phil if I paint the church will I automatically go to heaven when I die? The answer is a great big “Yes!” but don’t forget to tithe as well to make sure all the palms are greased on the way up the stairway. While bigwigs like Peter and Paul don’t expect a tip many of the underling angels and even some of the minor saints rely on gratuities to get by. Who knows, one might end up living in close proximity to some of these celestial glad-handers and eternity is a long time to harbor petty resentments.

And in a related announcement: Good news for armies and preachers: US schools post lowest reading and math scores in decades. Why dwell on the negative. Don’t worry – you are the chosen ones. Everything is fine.

Next Sunday:

“What do animals in the zoo think about all day?”