New Chinese Regime Reaches Out to Colonese

(Colona) Outgoing Chinese leader Hu Jintao has joined with Beijing’s  new government appealing to Colona consumers to drop their 12-year boycott on Chinese made goods. Lambasting “critical errors in judgment” Jintao offered a roster of undisclosed concessions that his successor Xi would implement, if the dissent against the importation of non-tariff Chinese goods would simply cease.

Stopping short of admitting the effectiveness of the ban on Chinese products within Colona, the former former Communist Party boss promised to pave the Colorado town’s streets, build tennis courts and open an egg roll factory, “which would employ up to 50 persons”, on the site of an empty restaurant on Highway 550 at the entrance to town.

Asian economists say that the surprisingly stubborn boycott of Chinese goods in Colona has had a crippling effect on China’s GNP and hasn’t helped that country’s IFS, PGI and WEO either.

“One doesn’t have to crumble a fortune cookie to see that China is vulnerable to these kinds of grass roots movements,” said G. Buddy Dharma, a former lobbyist who now operates a Panda rescue mission in Taiwan. “When Colona started the original protests we all laughed but now we see what a micro community can do when its people are motivated.”

In a somewhat related development the United States has announced that it will send seven million tons of campaign signage and literature to the Asian nation in return for currency stabilization  and primary assurances that China will undress human rights issues in the coming year.

“We are sending the election debris so as to teach the Chinese about democracy,” continued Dharma., “even though we know the government will use it to stoke coal-fired industries and beef up the Great Wall. We tried this approach in the Mideast in 2004 and in Africa in 2008 with mixed results but China is a different cup of lotus blossoms.”

Dharma said that the very mass of cardboard and paper shipped east will serve as a reminder to the Communists that one cannot buy an election.Accompanying this slogan cargo will be Donald Trump and Karl Rove. A spokesman insinuated that the pair may remain in China indefinitely attempting to create inroads within the wealthy 2 percent in that nation.

“These days there is more freedom to be filthy rich in China than in the United States,” he said. “We look for a major migration of rich developers and investment bankers to the East and ultimately a hostile takeover of the country by 2015.”

– Kashmir Horseshoe