Mr. Clean Burglar Evades Police

(Ouray, Colorado – February 10, 2015) A compulsive second-story man, dubbed Mr. Clean buy local police, is still at large after three more break-ins were reported over the weekend. Authorities believe that over 100 intrusions and thefts since November can be attributed to this slick and resilient crook who leaves his personal calling card in cleanser, mops and soap suds.
In one particularly peculiar heist Mr. Clean (or Senor Limpia for our Latino readers) lifted two televisions, a boom box, a stuffed rifle case, a camera, a small doggie bed, three hand towels, a can of tuna and a crushed velour Elvis wall hanging. Then, after apparently loading the items in his step-van, he returned to the scene of the crime to do the dirty dishes in the sink, vacuum the living room, wash the kitchen windows and leave a note to remind the inhabitants to take out the trash.
“At least he or she is neat,” said one patrolman after viewing a home invasion. “It would be to no one’s advantage if the intruder ransacked the place or punches holes in the walls and ceiling when he was finished. In all my years with the department I have never seen a crook with such motivation, such sense of hygiene. Why the thief even cleans under the refrigerator. Nobody does that.”
Police have linked Mr. Clean to the robberies after linking discarded Brillo pads, sponges and other cleaning apparatus to the intrusions.
“It’s almost like he wants us to catch him and tell him what a nice job he did on the linoleum or the woodwork,” continued the officer. “He would probably welcome the white glove test after each visit.”
At present police are keeping a close watch on grocery stories in the area, hoping to spot suspicious janitorial purchases. Attempts to lure Mr. Clean into a trap at the Marinated Arms Trailer Park failed yesterday as the clever crook outwitted the cops and walked off with a bathroom ensemble and two tiffany lamps worth an estimated $1200 on the burgeoning black market.
“We knew right away that our “old buddy” had been on the premises,” winked the officer. “The dishes were still wet in the rack, the litter box had been emptied and the smell of lavender air freshener was everywhere.”
It has been suggested that all residents of the tri-county area add a dead-bolt lock in entryways. The lock, exterior lighting and an alarm system might be a deterrent to crime.
“We also encourage all residents at risk to keep their houses clean,” said the policeman. – Marcia Marvelous

Filed Under: Soft News


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