Montrose High to go Vegetarian

Montrose High School students this week voted overwhelmingly to adopt a strict vegetarian platform with regards to dining on campus. The emerging blueprint calls for adherence to a vegetarian diet to be followed by all personnel prone to eat lunch on the premises.
“No more will we see the hoards of carnivores massed in the cafeteria gobbling down burgers and tacos…unless they are produced with soy bean or tofu fillers,” said one alleged vegan administrator. The school is the first in its category to adopt what proponents of the action call a progressive approach to institutional and academic nutrition.
“Sure, we are seeing stragglers and feet draggers that still cross the street in search of meat for the mid-day meal,” said the suspected vegan, “but considering the fact that motorists do not yield to pedestrians in crosswalks here, we expect that behavior to subside.”
Community reaction was muffled in that there was a sale at the local Wal-Mart. One man, calling himself a vanguard of freedom called the action communist and socialist. He likened the victual development to attempts to create marijuana dispensaries in the town where legal pharmaceutical addicts and throwback reefer madness stalwarts voted down the proposed measure last year.
It was not clear at press time how this development will effect food vendors and in particular a longterm contract with local beef producers such as Tom Collins Farms and the prestigious Calf Liver Institute which has bestowed scholarships worth hundreds of dollars since 1984.
– Carly Provender