Link will campaign in gorilla suit

(River City, Iowa — February 12, 2016)

As primaries heat up, the Missing Link, who declared his candidacy for president on Friday while jigging for frogs on the upper Mississippi, is set on more monkey business.

The Link, who many on both sides of the plutocratic aisle say is no more than a comic disruption, will campaign in a full ape suit. The striking attire, created by Argentine designer, Pilar Zeta, features a protruding nose, large inset eyes and hair…lots of hair. The costume/outfit is modeled after traditional gorilla suits worn by authentic mountain gorillas in the Virunga Mountains of Central Africa.

International police have engaged in a massive manhunt for the Link since he allegedly escaped from a holding cell at Los Alamos National Laboratory in 1945. Analysts can only assume if that this fugitive status will hamper efforts to reach voters before its too late.

Although authorities insist they just want to talk to the Link supporters and the ACLU contend that “those people” want to incarcerate the Link and subject him to a battery of experiments as to the origins of man.

– Senor Panuelo

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