Legendary Chicken Burglar Passes

(Montrose) Maurie Featherbed, the acknowledged Master Chicken Thief of the Uncompahgre, passed away this morning surrounded by loved ones, such still not yet hatched. The cause of death was simple chicken pox.
Although often critical of his methods, his cult following saw him for what he accomplished and appreciated him for his expertise in the little publicized sport of poultry snatching.
It is estimated that he stole some 2900 live chickens during his wobbly tenure, which encompassed the past 40 years. Although he technically retired (selling the business to a cousin in 2012) he continued to steal chickens for fun on the weekends or prior to family soirees and holiday dining extravaganzas.
His work in neighboring locales stands as a monument to his genius. One incident, in 1988, where Featherbed eluded arrest by sticking an estimated 8 chickens down his pants remains a classic still today. Another coordinated campaign, resulting in the heist of over 400 chickens from a roost in Mack, assured that his picture would hang on the wall at local post offices to be viewed by the generations that come.
Preferring to work alone Featherbed was prone to fowl moods and often cursed feathers, flocks, incubators and beaks, thinking they brought on violent nightmares and arthritis. He was very hardboiled according to his few friends, but a bantam-rooster when pressed.
With one eye constantly appraising the pecking order Featherbed rose to almost rock and roll icon status, having never been apprehended.
When he wasn’t stealing poultry he spent his time watching television.
Featherbed is survived by his four children Cluck, Buck, Chuck and Arlene…all from another marriage.

– Kashmir Horseshoe