Leftover Holiday Perfumes Shipped to China

(New Jork) Bottles and bottles of perfume are bound for China as part of a Franco-American trade deficit sanction aimed at warming over recently chilled U.S.-Sino relations. The perfume, unsold in Europe and the United States during the hyped up holiday romance campaigns, has an eternal shelf life and most industry sources feel its time to upload the stuff.

Officials in the United States, the country seen as the biggest beneficiary of the arrangement told reporters that “without the French we could never pull this off.” The Socialist government in Paris had little comment but implied that the move would dispel fears that the French had become a pawn of Peking.

The aromatic cargo is expected to arrive in Shanghai sometime in February in time for Valentine’s Day, which is only beginning to be celebrated on the mainland. The average Chinese worker has not been able to afford this olfactory luxury up until now but the discount prices have changed all of that. Government sources say that 90% of the scent is already sold.

“They believe that the perfume has aphrodisiac properties and, like rhino horn and grasshopper spittle encourages virility in males and females,” smiled Arlo Wangzee, importer of the smelly liquid in pretty bottles. Maybe we have found something here,” he continued. “We can produce gallons of perfume for very little and then sell it to the Chinese at a tremendous profit.”

Wangzee added that if the Chinese become addicted to perfume strains (see Opium Wars) the deficit could come down in a big hurry. He warned of a violent reaction on the part of the new customers if they feel they are being duped (see Boxer Rebellion).

The FRench and U.S. ships carrying the perfume are expected to stopover in Hawaii where bottles will be passed out to locals and then pause for rest and relaxation in Guam where it is hoped that the perfume samples will ease the tedious boredom on the island.

“We need to get a leg up on all this trade nonsense before China owns the Statue of Liberty and the Golden Gate Bridge too,” stressed Wangzee, himself a second-generation American from Nanking.

The beauty of perfume as a balanced commodity is that it does not harvest endangered species to create sexual enhancement products. The scents are nothing new and perfume can be made easily and cheaply in large or small quantities.

Madison Avenue, the White House, Fox News and an assortment of chambers of commerce are taking credit for this breakthrough in trade relations with the Asian giant.

“What’s wrong with a woman from Hunan smelling nice?” asked Wangzee.

– Gabby Haze

Filed Under: Featured Peeks

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