Inventor of Beanie Weenies squashed by cement truck

(Cimarron) The headline says it all and, although there were no eye-witnesses, conjecture has it that 98-year-old Abdule “Mickey” Silkworme should have been a little quicker on his feet. At least he should have had the where-with-all to outrun a slow-moving cement truck.

Just moments after the impact, Silkworme was scooped off Highway 50 and delivered to St. Roscoe’s Memorial Hospital at Montrose. The driver of the truck, suspected in connection with hit-and-run charges, since he was not anywhere to be found, was not identified.

Labor issues between weenies and baked beans have exploded of late over equal pay and a 35-hour work week. Dog-and-Bean attorneys for the popular food concerns say “corporate responsibility does not end with canning” and admitted that a exclusive diet of beanie weenies may lead to serious health issues down the road.

“How many concrete trucks could there have been in the vicinity at the time of the crash,” asked a local deputy. “We’ll find the person responsible and pull his plug.”

Silkworme is expected to survive (since nobody dies in Horseshoe news stories). Relatives expressed relief saying they had already pulled the tab on his tin coffin and were expecting a tidy inheritance by the weekend.”

– Sir Otis of Liver