If Cowboy Poets Wrote Nursery Rhymes

Initially space alloted for this piece was supposed to focus on the infant Presidential campaign with its blabbering, old white man canes, elder-colic and loaded Depends, but after a few minutes of scrutinizing the mess it was decided that our readers might like High Plains Culture Hour instead.

We wondered that if the classic children’s nursery rhymes had been penned by long rider poets in pointy boots, brush-fire mustaches  and cowboy hats the subjects might have leaned more toward a more bucolic posture. Here are a few gems found while pecking around in the bunkhouse. We call them Buckaroons.

Little Miss Prattle…
sat in the saddle
checking her spurs and bay,
when along came a rider
saying circle much wider
or you’ll chase all the mavericks away.
***
Mary had a can of chew…
its leaves were black as coal
and everywhere that Mary went
she brung that tin of skoal.
It followed her to school one day
which was agin’ the rule,
and all the children took a pinch
then sat and played it cool.
***
Tenderfoot Aspire…
sat by the camp fire
eating his biscuits and bacon
With his new cowboy clothes
he struck up quite a pose
and cried: Buckaroos, “I’m just fakin’.”
***
Sing a song of six-guns…
belly full o’ hoots,
four and twenty tinhorns
shakin’ in their boots.
When the smoke had cleared up
I heard the gunman wail
“Wasn’t that a clever way
to spend the night in jail.”
***
Hickory, dickory, dense…
the cows got out the fence
Which lazy wrangling dunce
is liable for these stunts?
Hickory, dickory, dense
***
If all the work was round-ups…
and all the girls wore mink
And all our mounts ate tater chips
what would there be to drink?
***
Hark, hark…
it’s gettin’ dark
The chuckwagon’s gone lame.
Our dinner’s late
but leave a plate
for breakfast – much the same.

– Kevin Haley