FIRST FLY OF ’24 SIGHTED

(Montrose) The first documented fly sighting of 2024 was registered by Zorro Desplants, of Delta who spotted the little buzzer near Colona Bros. Feedlot north of town. Desplants, of 67 Spider Street claims to have observed the insect on March 3 and, despite taking his good time to make his official claim, he still wins the bingo tickets, the RV jacket and the dog food. These prizes were provided by the local welcome wagon.

     “I was driving south, or was it north, on Highway 50 near the dog pound when the little fly buzzed into my cracked passenger window and made life miserable for my pet marmots and I,” said Desplants, a tear forming in his one good eye. “That’s when I decided to act and nailed the culprit with a rolled up issue of The Montrose Daily Press. It was a mess.”

     DesPlants a, a retired sloth trainer told The Horseshoe that the experience brought back memories of his days working in the white slave trade in Freedonia.

     “The cattle drives always brought out the tough-guy flies,” said DesPlants, almost to tears again, “but we were ready for them. I hate to smash the little fellas but it was all that military training that caused the reaction. Besides that he tried to fly up my nose and at one point even walked across my can of beer. I hate bugs walking on my drinks.”

-Uncle Pahgre