Deceased Motorists Chalk Up Big Wins

(Delta — Sawmill Mesa Courier — December 12, 2015)

Downwind from Grand Mesa and across the Gunnison Spillway departed motorists are celebrating tonight. After a landslide victory at the polls they will not only be able to retain a driver’s license in the beyond but will be allowed to operate private transportation (automobiles) during daylight hours in secure areas here on earth.

Secure areas include Delta County and most of the West End in Montrose County.

Amendment Number 611 assures that deceased drivers have access to the highways when others are not using them and will not be required to carry car insurance. Even the ruthless insurance cartels have not figured out how to extract monthly payments from the pork barrel of the hereafter.

In addition to these newly secured rights our departed fellows are not obliged to honor traffic lights, stop signs, speed limits, crosswalks or other obsessive, and often confusing limitations imposed by gov’ment.

Many of these “already landed” motorists can be identified by the easily discernable VL on their Colorado license plates and the glazed look plastered across their mugs as they drift across that big yellow line in the sky.

Next time: “Skinny Roads and Fat Drivers”