D.A. Skeptical in Tuna Case

Special to The Silverton Tramp Miner and Times
(Portland — October 26, 2014) The District Attorney Down East says testimony in the Charlie Tuna vs. Maine is misrepresentative, fishy and unfounded. Tuna, a washed up dorsal fin television celebrity from the 80s, has been charged with fraud and abandonment in contracted dealings with Star-Kist Inc., a local canning concern.
He is also expected to be indicted over an alleged breakout at Boothbay Harbor, a minimum security breeding farm housing over 2000 fish in a facility built for 1500.
“He just couldn’t go into that cold water anymore,” said a fellow inmate. “Seems he’d just lost his nerve. The luster was gone.”
While the hat, the shades and the slick talk were all Hollywood, Tuna was in reality a sensitive, cold-blooded fish that grew up on mean streets and got into trouble early. His early exit from a promising career as a spokesman for Star-Kist is only exemplary of his inability follow up on agreements and to hold a job for more than a few months, say relatives.
A Coast Guard source verified that Tuna would turn himself in to two lobstermen on Friday.
“Now that,” said the D.A., will be quite a trick.”
-Connor Sturgeon

Filed Under: Soft News

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