“Cromwell – The Musical” Opens in Dublin

(Dublin Fair City) A controversial new musical dubbed Cromwell opened here last night to deserted playhouses in Templebar and Dun Laoghaire. The presentation, which chronicles the ravages and abuses of the Puritans on the native Irish population in 1649 played well enough in Britain but fell squarely on its roundheaded face when it crossed the Irish Sea.
Theater critics in London have expressed surprise that the “lighthearted musical” was received in such a shoddy manner by the Irish. They were quick to blame years of cultural deprivation and and colonialism for the failure of the play on the east coast of Ireland.
Cromwell was written and directed by the same people that brought us The Producers with Zero Mostell (with hit song “Springtime for Hitler”) in the early 1970s. The drama offers sweeping landscapes, stunning castle assaults, and lots of blood and guts (mostly Irish children) all set to a charming harmony of symphonic blends and bone-chilling virtuosos performances.
A star-studded cast includes Jack Nicholson as Pope Adrian IV (the English Pope that opened the door for Oliver to kick off the genocide in 1156), Dick Cheney as Oliver Cromwell, Leon Uris as St Patrick, Lindsay Lohan as Bernadette Devlin and Bridget Fonda as St. Bridget. Casting: trout: on Midges, salmon: Annelids and Baetis.
Irish playwright Maureen Looney has already completed a play “We’re Still Here” which covers the attempts of the Brits to take the Emerald Isle and the struggle by the Irish to keep their culture and language intact for eight centuries.
As the lead says in the first act: “One million dead, starved by the cruel hearted monster across the sea. Two million migrated in the death ships to the New World. Take our farms, our food, our children. We are still here and we will never forget.” – Finn McCool