Take the quiz. All the good things in life are free. Besides, you’re this far into it.  If you answer all of the questions correctly you need to get out of town more often.

1. If Bozar called the shots the White House would be what color? What about the Pentagon?

2. Since the 1860s the dance of choice in the Slate River Valley has been: a.) the Watusi b.) the Bugaloo c.) the Funky Broadway  d.) the Polka.

3. Over 3,000 Indian head rock formations exist inside the Mt. Crested Butte city limits. Can you name them all?

4 Back before the hippies arrived, bears did not prowl within the confines of Crested Butte because a.) every miner had a loaded shotgun by the door b.) there was nothing extra to eat c.) bruins are afraid of polka music d.) dogs ran free and chased them away e.) all of the above.

5. If you had 200 burros standing around in the middle of town in 1880 you could: a.) be in for a big cleanup. b.) start a Fourth of July parade on time c.) hardly hear yourself think. d.) make a small fortune hauling supplies to Aspen. What about 2000 mule burritos?

6. Several wonderful inventions were patented in Crested Butte. Among them are: a.) Skiing b.) Snow. c.) Texans d.) Flauschink e.) mountain bikes. Choose three.

7. If you turn left onto White Rock then go two blocks and take another left, than a right, then another left and go straight what would you run into?

8. Ruby Irwin refers to:

a. A breakfast omelet served with Spam, Velveeta cheese and molybdenum.

b. The Wicked Witch of the East South East, who summers here.

c.  The original home of the Elk Mountain Pilot.

d. A prostitute who nursed over 400 miners back to health after a small pox epidemic in 1895.

9. During the boom days of the early 1900s what great Crested Buttian made up the schedule for two-story outhouse use during mud season?

10. In 1970 Cindy Quint and her magical accordion are playing at Frank and Gal’s Bar and Cafe? What’s the scene there in 2014?

11.) Uncle Meat owned a.) a butcher shop b.) the first gym in Crested Butte c.) a towing company d.) a very successful guide and outfitting enterprise.

12. If the Confederacy had won the Civil War a.) grits would have replaced home fries as a staple b.) Coloradans would vacation in Texas and Oklahoma c.) there would be a statue of Robert E. Lee in Totem Pole Park d.) Gone With the Wind would have been filmed in Almont.

13. What do Jokerville, Smith Hill, Floresta and Painter Boy have in common?

14. True or false? The coal shed of Crested Butte’s first full-service barber shop, built in the 1890s, housed a still, and was not used to store hair as the story goes.

15.) Summer in Crested Butte begins on ___ and runs through ____. (Temperatures not technicalities)

16.) What is the ratio of dogs to realtors in Crested Butte. (Use your calculator on this one).

17.) One has reached coolness in Crested Butte when a.) he/she owns a complete set of tire chains for his mountain bike b.) the local marshal’s office gives one a nickname c.) the restaurants serve him/her breakfast after 11 am d.) the Alpine Express drivers wave at him/her on Highway 135. e.) all of the above.

18.) Where would the premier showing of the film Dr. Zhivago most likely be showing in 1970? a.) Klinkerhaus b.) The Tailings c.) the Princess Theater d.) Lawrence of Oregano’s.

19.) What was the biggest threat to the peace and tranquility of Crested Butte in the late 19th Century? a.) powder days b.) fire c.) Indian attacks d.) Wobblies.

20.) The last brothel in Crested Butte was named: a.) Mrs. Lovelace’s Notion and Confectionery b.) out for a walk c.) according to the premise for time sharing d.) Frosted Fanny’s.

21.) Crested Butte burned down in 1889 a.) because it was made of wood, not of bricks b.) to make room for a new quad lift c.) to collect the insurance when the mines weren’t producing d.) because wood burning ordinances prohibited it from burning up.

22.) The largest body of water in Gunnison County is a.) Blue Mesa Reservoir b.) Taylor reservoir c.) Lake Irwin d.) the ski area parking lot in April.

23.) Mt. Crested Butte, true or false?

24.) What are the seven naughty words never to be uttered on KBUT?

25.) Butch Cassidy’s real name was a.) Harold Zimmerman b.) Paul Newman c.) Neil Murdoch d.) Robert Parker.

Bonus Math Question: If the average income in Gunnison county is $40,000 and the average cost of purchasing a home is $800,000 how can Jack and Jill afford to live up on the hill?

– Mel Toole

Filed Under: Hard News

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