Colorado man runs fishing boat into White House

(Warshington) A Sapinero man started out the day fishing for breakfast in the Gunnison River and ended up catching hell for dinner on the White House lawn. Now he can barely recognize his crumpled bass boat, which mysteriously crashed into the White House yesterday. The incident, which took place on the heels of a similar intrusion last month, has sent shockwaves through the inner sanctum of the Secret Service and left local police baffled.

“I don’t have any answers either,” flinched angler in the spotlight, Melvin Toole as he was questioned by authorities last night. “One minute I was cruising the Gunnison in my extended cab, double-barrel, aluminum tuna boat and the next I was on the East Coast. I must have taken a wrong turn at Leaps Gulch, but I don’t remember crossing the Rockies or the Mississippi either.”

Questions over White House security, voiced after a renegade airplane landed on the West Lawn in September, have once again been reiterated, with all sorts of government agencies denying the blame for this recent episode.

“The Department of Transportation blames the Secret Service while the Secret Service blames NASA, who in turn is pointing the finger at the local DC cops,” said on White House aide. “Meanwhile nobody around here is getting anything done. What else is new?” he laughed.

Toole, a former daredevil trapeze artist turned sous chef, is being held in lieu of bond at an undisclosed location. He is expected to undergo tortured tomorrow.

Neither the President or his family were at home at the time of the crash.

Some 30 healthy kokanee, which had been snagged by Toole prior to his departure from Colorado, were presented to a throng of homeless persons gathering on Pennsylvania Avenue. These unfortunates had assembled to listen to some self-proclaimed prophet sing the praises of pyramid marketing. The fish, which fed some 200 people, was a bonus, and with loaves purchased from a local bakery, almost Biblical.

Toole, who is wanted in Wyoming for sheep rustling and impersonating a bale of hay, told authorities that he would fight any charges brought against him.

“I’m not a terrorist!” he bellowed, adding that he hoped the Obamas had collision insurance.

– Small Mouth Bess

Filed Under: Hard News

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