Colona Getting Taller

Wildcat Creek — Ouray County Nibbles — Nov 14, 2015

The little town of Colona is growing taller according to a recent health physical published in the popular Armenian Health and Rock Climber. Although exact figures were unavailable expert sources confirmed the increase.

“We hadn’t seen Colona for six months and my how she’s sprouted up, marveled Edna Singe, a painful busybody living out Buckhorn way. “She’s lost a lot of baby fat and is easily a head teller than her Aunt Sapinero and even her tubby Uncle Cahone.”

Already basketball scouts have been dropping in hoping to recruit the gangly Colona for sports programs.

“Our grocery bill has certainly gone up,” said an unconfirmed source in the county’s third largest urban center.

With a taller Colona in the picture there comes an increase in altitude, the need for more personal space and a far-better view of the San Juans. Some added expenses and fiscal considerations are simply not applicable anymore because the town is becoming unmanageable.

“We’re not just talking vertical here,” said a member of the town’s prestigious shadow government. “Colona’s feet and ass end are getting bigger too,” he gasped. “Do you know how much it costs to buy sox for a growing, albeit small, town? Trousers are a nightmare.”

-Kashmir Horseshoe

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Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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