Most motorists in the United States will negotiate left lane driving next year due to new legislation aimed at keeping up with the Joneses, while not stepping on anyone’s joneses in the process.

The action was lauded from India to Ireland and from Malta to Montserrat, where drivers operate on the left side of the road and have for over a century.

A full roster of which states will require the shift and which states will never reach 4th gear is expected this week. According to POX News this is just one more attempt to drag our freedoms down the path of socialism and one world thinking. Brave talking heads there pledged to keep driving on the right no matter the consequences.

“Your cooperative motorists exhibit patience and self control when faced with these changes. Others are not quite ready to hit the road, especially when confronted with stick shifts, right turns and roundabouts,” said one cynical traffic engineer in the working in the Rockies. “Let’s get one thing straight: A flat tire is still a flat tire and incompetence behind the wheel is still a major factor in collisions.”

“Lowering the national speed limit to 45 should help but maneuverability in snow storms will be challenged. It should be an interesting few months,” he chided.

Police are encouraging motorists to stay home until the summer. Most expect DUI arrests to decrease until the new patterns are absorbed and integrated.

-Alfalfa Romero

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