Aliens Must Make Reservations

(Mars) Extraterrestrials wishing to visit the planet earth during peak summer months must make reservations at least two months in advance so as to secure transport and accommodation, according to experts in the travel industry. Due to the rising popularity of earth as a destination resort for many space creatures, seats are at a premium and agendas must be adjusted to handle the impact, especially in July and August.

“The average cost of two weeks in the mountains or at the ocean has risen sharply along with the development of sophisticated spacecraft and more leisure time throughout the galaxy,” explained Okra Sinfree, well-known host of a syndicated travel program on television. “Beings living on some of the wealthy, more progressive stars get five weeks paid vacation per year while workers on Stellar 17 and the well-heeled Epicurean Constellation can chalk up more than two months leave after just one year of servitude.”

Aliens are said to prefer travel to the United States due to a well-documented romance with the cowboy and Indians culture, an obsession with minor league baseball and a love for the wide open spaces. Even with higher costs and the strength of the dollar many prefer the US to Europe in the summer months.

Intergalactic currency measures up well against both the dollar and the euro and, since most aliens seek access to the highlights of the planet they may spend one day in Venice and the next in the Grand Canyon. Perennial favorites like the Eiffel Tower and Disneyland remain big favorites with families whole New York and Paris stand alone in overall popularity.

“Increased access to earth has created a flood of visitors but has severely taxed the infrastructure with car rental agencies, hotels and restaurants mobbed and airports in a constant state of chaos,” said the travel source. “Fortunately most of our visitors from other planets celebrate the weekend over Tuesday and Wednesday or we’d never be able to absorb the increase in traffic.”

Residents of earth have been asked to stay clear of high congestion areas and avoid driving in sensitive regions this summer so as to properly welcome the interplanetary tourists, who spend an estimated 4 billion dollars each summer in Colorado alone. A spokesman for the Department of Homeland Scrutiny said that although most of these visitors resent having to remove their shoes at security gates all is going well.

“We’ve had a few confrontations with a few drunken Klingons on their way to Mexico but for the most part everyone has been quite cooperative,” said the travel industry spokesperson. “All those scary movies about the invasion and subjugation of earth by outside forces with lasers and rocket ships seems to be on the back burner these days. Body snatching and biological experiments have been replaced with tour buses and souvenir hunters. We expect that most earthlings will welcome this new breed of tourist even though they do look pretty funny in Bermudas and knee socks.”

– Fred Zeppelin

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion


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