This Friday’s forecast calls for the metaphorical and proverbial cold day in hell with temperatures projected to plummet to the high 40s by smoky dawn. Already today we have observed people scurrying about trying to cover oaths and promises voiced in relation to the saying and the unlikely shift to cold weather down in quasi-tropical hell.

“It’ll be a cold day in hell when I work for you again,” they would say or “It’ll be a cold day in hell when I invite you to my funeral.”

Technically a negative analogy, statements like the above seek to compare the chances of and encounter with the chances of a phenomenon occurring. In the case of hell that phenomenon has never transpired.

A warming trend is expected by Sunday with highs returning to the more seasonal level of 137 degrees. Light winds are anticipated from Limbo and Purgatory by evening.   

Toupee Warning Extended

A toupee warning is in effect for Ouray, San Miguel, San Juan, Gunnison, Hinsdale, Delta and Montrose Counties through Friday night due to high winds with particularly acute and sticky conditions lingering on in Dolores and Montezuma Counties through the weekend.

The odd caveat is particularly perilous in tree-covered regions above 7000 feet near rocky slopes. Persons in those Region Zen can look forward to high, unpredictable winds that will make wearing toupees, hair pieces, tasteful wigs and even the more flamboyant hats a hazardous endeavor.

Many counties have already seen law enforcement personnel confiscating the artificial tufts due to cutting, vengeful, gusting winds roaring through Edith Bunker National Forest and the skimming the lightly defended Peaks of Cannabis Village Retirement Home. To the south star gazers will be delighted with the night skies as the wind subsides whooshing and whistling, albeit methodically, its disruptive way to the Sea of Cortez..

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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