WYOMING EXPANDS FOOD CHAIN, FLAUNTS THE EXOTIC

(Cody, Wyoming) Wilderness voices today declared that Wyoming will be the first state to introduce large marsupials* to the western United States. In introducing antilopine kangaroos to its wide-open spaces the Cowboy State continues a tradition of bronco rides in the local legislature as well as on the national stage.

Readers may recall that Wyoming was the first state to pass women’s suffrage in 1869.

The inclusion of kangaroos, wallabies, and koalas would really expand an already diverse cross-section of mammals prowling the place, according to people who spend a lot of time outside in the wind.

The prize acquisition, the kangaroo is known to be tough with his feet, making the species a good bet to survive in the summer, and then migrate to Arizona in the winter.

Wallabies differ from ‘roos in that they burrow and hibernate in their little pouches, often not rising until the Fourth of July. They are the meanest animals on the planet and represent a formidable challenge to hungry wolves and mountain lions. The common Bunbury wallaby is related to Rocky Mountain marmot on their mother’s side of the family.

Koalas, on the other hand are cute and withdrawn. They should enjoy eating all of the eucalyptus trees that cover more than 70% of the territory. The panda-like bear are known to appreciate a nice chicken fried steak, wild asparagus pie, biscuits and gravy, camp beans and a cold beer every so often.   

Already some 200 inmates from special plea bargain units of several state prisons are at work building wind fences, securing gated communities and drilling oil wells in apprehension of the needs of their new neighbors. By the time most of these men are released from prison the species should be well entrenched in the region.

“If this experiment goes well we will be in line to adopt several Tasmanian Devils that, in addition to bringing the grace and good taste of Down Under are said to be a hoot on Saturday night,” continued the source. “Lord knows we could use a little excitement around here in April.”

*Of course there are an assortment of opossums on every corner in North America and let us not forget the tiny Biting Microbiothera that is attracted to synthetic fibers and snap beans. This could but probably does not include the more erotic Delphian strains but certainly not bandicoots and bilbies.

– Billy Mosca

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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