Vultures Carry Off, Eat Rafters

(Montrose) Flocks of thought to be extinct Tsunyi Turkey Vultures continue to dine on unsuspecting rafters often caught with their pants down on the Uncompahgre River south of here. The birds, often posing a ditch riders, conceal themselves in nearby willow trees then pounce on the boat people, eating the adults on site and carrying off the smaller ones for a perverted dessert.

     “We don’t know what has gotten into the vultures,” said one local rafter. “They used to wait until people actually croaked before they ate them. This is not good.”

     The rafter went on to say that somebody should do something about this.

     These particular vultures generally migrate to Canada by this time of the year but a drastic change in feeding habits may have dictated a longer stay in Colorado.

     “It’s like a smorgasbord of debauchery said a fly fisherman who witnessed another attack Saturday. “The vultures seize their victims and then hold them under water until the fight is out of them. I didn’t know birds could hold their breath that long.

     The local Homo Sapiens for Population Control has defended the vultures saying that they are technically Canadian citizens who are just following their instincts.

     “If the birds were busy eating road kill the giant catfish fill the power void with much the same result,” said one HSPC spokesperson.

-Feather Neste

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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