Vodka Shares Stabilize

(Moscow Mule) Amid fears of major setbacks affecting the international spirits exchange, vodka has rebounded nicely on the wet circuit overriding gin and bourbon on this month’s swilling board.

Despite deteriorating political conditions at the core of production, consumers appear to be lined up behind the product setting free a flourish of positive response and enthusiastic imbibing. Vodka Nose, a common symptom of overindulging, has either been downplayed by persuasive sources or blamed on Poland.

“We will not take responsibility for vodka nose while inferior products continue to flood the market,” said a source in Russia. “Like champagne the only true vodka comes from our grain and our potatoes.”

The Spud Market, already heard-pressed due to what officials called the Turnip Effect, has been escalloped over the past decade and it’s a relief to see that there are some strengths that remain despite half-baked beliefs that threaten to boil over and engulf the starchy, tuberous staple commodity.

When contacted to further explain the attack on Polish vodka Russian leaders where too busy hacking, flattering, snooping, doping, spying, denying, courting, jousting and at least 50 more ing actions to respond at this time. According to the Kremlin a full disclosure would be forthcoming as soon as sensitive encounters could be whitewashed and potentially incriminating evidence distorted.

Peasants in all affected countries were encouraged to drink up and not worry knowing that leaders had their best interests at heart.

– Suzie Compost

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk

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