UFO Continues to Hover Over White House

(Washington) A foggy cylindrical object the size of the national debt continues to float above the White House this morning leaving Pentagon officials aghast. The gray steel craft that many say resembles a Big Mac with tiny observation slits. Others describe what appear to be beaming capacities at the front and rear.

Secret Service agents on the scene say that the pesky spaceship has not shown aggression nor will it go away when we attempt to shoo it or threaten military action. It’s been four days now and although the president is away playing golf there is concern for his safety.

“We can’t be sure but we think the flying machine is loaded with tiny little green men intent on entering the country illegally,” said one White House security officer. “Everyone wants to live here you know.”

Astrologists predict that the craft has travelled billions of miles to complete its mission. One National Aeronautics and Space Administration strategist called the entire episode ambiguous since there are no photos of the flying saucer.

“It came within 20 yards of the West Wing this morning and I shot several photos. When I attempted to post them they were not there,” said the NASA Source. “We are dealing with a gap in technology. Even our Hubble Collection could not capture an image.”

Rumors that House and Senate leaders Mitch McDonnell and Paul Ryan have been abducted were confirmed this afternoon.

“We can only believe the president. Everyone (else) is a liar,” said that Huckabee woman. “He is on the 6th green and is expected back in Washington tomorrow. Just wait and see what these cowardly space creatures do when a real man is on the scene.”

Reporters, amused by the continued antics surrounding the administration, did not press Huckabee who spent the conference trying not to look up would not confirm the sightings.

The craft was first spotted in July at a Tacoma Park nightclub disguised as a pizza delivery truck carrying refurbished souls for Republican politicians and a cargo of synthetic spines for their Democrat counterparts.

“We figure the aliens have seen enough and have decided to intervene before we humans succeed in blowing the planet apart,” said one veteran reporter and enemy of the people. “I’d give my right arm to see their final guest list.”

It is not known if the visit from outer space is in any way linked to other bizarre occurrences of late. Readers may remember that yesterday a tornado touched down at the top of the Continental Divide and universal health insurance was established in the U.S.

Then this morning, in a classic logjam maneuver thought to be perpetrated by the aliens, an Amtrak computer malfunction sent hundreds of its trains on a mad dash to Utah.

– Gabby Haze

Filed Under: Soft News


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