TV Doctors Isolate Comparative Gene

(Hollywood) Television doctors here have successfully isolated what some are calling the Lowest Common Denominator Gene. The illusive unit of heredity has been linked to general comprehension sways and positive sense of place in a shifting landscape.

Persons engaged in chronic television rituals such as electronic marathons and the embrace of local news programs often populate the sterile hallways of the quantum test cases transferred from easy chair to viewer. This control group has been the subject of much discussion since the inception of the intrusive medium in the early 50s.

“We have found that people who have no access to television are smarter and more qualified to survive than those who ingest the pablum of the airwaves,” said a researcher. “In short, many groups seen as primitive engage in more valid pursuits than those who stare at and respond to insipid movements inside the idiot box.”

While many social scientists agree with this perception, at least in theory, some are hesitant to condemn the entire industry without further cross-examination.

They conclude that genes make up a distinct sequence of nucleotides forming part of a chromosome, the order of which determines the order of monomers in a polypeptide or nucleic acid molecule which a cell (or virus) may synthesize.

The TV doctor team that created the breakthrough

This represents significant shift from the days when a television was a substantial piece of furniture with a tiny black and white screen. In the age of flat screens and bad public schools a majority recommends no more than 23 hours of television per day (not counting bathroom breaks and quality time with pets).

In preternatural observation the habitual TV enthusiast cannot tell the difference between real physicians and actors playing them on the tube.

“They all have white coats, clean hands and that air about them that makes it all but impossible to differentiate,” said the researcher, clutching a handful of opiates. “Even though most of it is voodoo there are distinct patterns developing that threaten to destroy the trust most have in the medical profession”

What remains as the quintessential question: Does one want to live life or watch it float mindlessly by, bookended by bad writing and violence.

“What we accept on TV generally conflicts with the basic food, clothing and shelter syndrome that dictates fear levels and morality,” continued our source, “It’s just another eternal balancing act with no net.”

– Gabby Haze 

Filed Under: Soft News

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