Trump’s Mane Quit Paris Accords

In a curious departure from previous editorial policy The San Juan Horseshoe wades into the surreal world of our treasured plutocracy, with Mickey Mouse ineptitude and Goofy dogma chipping away at our lifelines..

With Trump as our hair-brained conductor, the United States has pulled the curtain on the world stage, waltzing off a roster of long-legged dance cards. Trans Pacific Trade Partners, UNESCO and the Paris Accords are just a few.

But why is the world’s most prominent republic falling off the diplomatic onion cart? One answer can be found within. A lazy, poorly informed populace, victims of bad schools and eager to glorify stupidity are easily distracted by the chief executives’ crudeness. They fear foreigners and immigrants but cannot even speak their own language properly.

This charade belies the real agenda – making the rich richer while giving the poor the boot (See goose-stepping).

Most world leaders cannot get past his hideous golden locks, which have been described in a host of languages as pseudo-haute, vainly common, maladroit and petit-gauche. In Europe he is seen as greedy narcissist. Most people in the Mideast believe he is wearing a toupee, while those in South America contend that Trump is a man without heart and soul but plenty of unfounded ego.

And these are his friends.

“In less than a year he has redefined our country’s image in the world, which quite candidly, already needed a serious makeover after years at the bully pulpit,” said a recently fired cabinet appointee. “The man has no intellect, no humor, no compassion that I know of. In the Trump in the White House denial is the agenda, coal is king and the world is flat.”

Rather than defend Trump, former advisor Steve Bannon echoed these observations, adding that “Donald is not worthy of the Oval Office but I am.”

World leaders such as Angela Merkel appear willing to sit out the next few years and deal with the next president rather than cow-towing to Trump. When asked to comment she simply threw up her hands and laughed, then cried.

“It appears only too obvious that our band leader cannot read a lick of music.” said Ted Nuggent, a staunch supporter, “But I like his style.”

Another musical devotee, KISS frontman Gene Simmons agrees with the limp metaphor adding that Trump had promised to shake things up, but he always tees off first then waves at his constituents in the rear view mirror of his golf cart.

Bronco executive, John Elway, continues in his Republican stance, noting, however, that the now defunct Trump University has yet to put a player in the NFL.

Perhaps the only world leader that had anything nice to say about the president was Vladimir Putin who disclosed, “I like him well enough. He reminds me of Leon Trotsky in a red tie, or better yet Peter the Great sans wit.”

For a related story please turn to:

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