Trump Trumped by Bridge Society

(West Palmetto) The American Bridge Fellowship announced plans to drop the term trump from its rules book, jargon and vernacular it was disclosed following a light lunch this afternoon.

Saying the word association was hurting the game the card player’s league issued a temporary password replacement…for any reference to the noun or predicate and for the action of trumping:

Defined as…


(in bridge, whist, and similar card games) a playing card of the suit chosen to rank above the others, which can win a trick where a card of a different suit has been led.

(trumps) the suit having the rank above the others in a particular hand: the ace of trumps.

(in a tarot pack) any of a special suit of 22 cards depicting symbolic and typical figures and scenes.

(also trump card) a valuable resource that may be used, especially as a surprise, in order to gain an advantage: in this month General Haig decided to play his trump card: the tank.

informal, dated a helpful or admirable person.

verb [with object]

(in bridge, whist, and similar card games) play a trump on (a card of another suit), having no cards of the suit led.

beat (someone or something) by saying or doing something better: taste trumps most if not all other factors when consumers choose food products.


trump something up

invent a false accusation or excuse: they’ve trumped up charges against her.


early 16th century: alteration of triumph, once used in card games in the same sense.

The move was lauded even applauded by fringe groups within the 104-card deck including the maverick legions of the American Contract Bridge League.

That powerful lobby issued a warning with regard to bad links and termination dates on such perishables as felt, plastic visors, poker chips and traditional gourmet items hinged to the competition.

“Our tedious relations with banks have been legendary for decades,” said Marvel Malaroitte, of the parent group.

“We met Mr. Trump in bankruptcy court in 2005. We had both lost our appeals and he threw a tantrum outside on the steps of the municipal building.”

Moments after the resolution angry onlookers filed into the offices of the American Bridge Fellowship bent on retribution. All they found were empty files and a sign “Gone fishing hanging on the front door.

Perhaps Eldon Tinkleholland, recognized poet laureate of card tricks, dramatized the tragedy best: “Hatless against the stark ballast of seething clouds and Elvis haircuts, the angst of a biting winter gale at eyebrow level they came, only to be dealt the death blow from a rat-like foe who had skedaddled with the cheese a long time ago.”   

“We thought these people built infrastructure but all they do is sit round all day and play cards,” said Oreo Mumblee, an unemployed welder who hasn’t been dealt a fair hand in weeks. “A left bar by any other name is still a left bar.”

Good idea. Let’s end this ridiculous attempt at news writing and adjourn to the romantic Drunken Fern where we can get better acquainted. Bridge anyone? Canasta? How about a tight round of Pinochle? 

Filed Under: Soft News


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