Trump Clobbers Lame Duck With Nine Iron

(Mar de Mars) President for now Donald Trump used a nine-iron on a bothersome lame duck Friday on the 16th hole at his golf corpse here. The duck reportedly laughed at his backswing and the Commander in Chief flew into action repeatedly whacking the quacking bird with his golf club.

It was not clear if the injured duck was of the Peking variety.

Trump, as has been the case recently, played alone with even the regular Republican sycophants avoiding him. Several challenging holes were restricted due to a pending government shutdown that sent greens keepers home without pay.

Angry onlookers rescued the lame duck and brought it to a local veterinarian’s office where it is expected to survive the impulsive attack. One fed-up golfer even cornered the President and lectured him on evangelistic climate change while describing the daily routine life in a federal prison cell.

That Huckabee woman, acting as pending press secretary said the President had every right to strike the duck that was no doubt a feathered immigrant. They said that the mallard pest deserved what he got and since the animal was no longer protected under the Endangered Species Act it was fair game.

“Our leader is no pigeon. He’s tough to the bone,” she stressed. “He stands up to protect America from these kind of terrorist episodes.”

One Trump critic suggested that Trump should be tougher on Russians, White Supremacists, Saudis, bloodthirsty dictators and his immediate family.

A local newspaper defended Trump a la tongue-in-cheek:

“It takes a brave man to do what our President did while under duress,” said an editorial in The Capitol City Poultry Examiner. “His courage is without comparison.”

The Lame Duck along with the Squatting Heifer, the Flint Water Muskrat, the Palomino Kingfisher and most of the fish in both oceans were dropped from the protected status by Trump during his first few hours in office. This action raised eyebrows and started people chatting about unnatural science and the priorities of a self-consuming business agenda.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was perhaps the harshest critic saying “the unprovoked assault on a duck made Trump look like the turkey that he has become.”

After sinking a four-foot putt on number 18 Trump said he didn’t care what the majority of Americans thought of him so long as his base continued to “slurp the pabulum”.

The President will attend a January White Sale rally in West Palm Beach before returning to Washington on Friday.

Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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