TRAFFIC REPORT

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fell dead asleep at the wheel, his foot lodged in a contorted position, pressing firmly against the accelerator. The 1959 Buick then proceeded down Main Street, crossing the intersection at Townsend and headed east at an estimated speed of 83 mph. Knocking economy cars and pickups out of its way like they were toys, the runaway Buick wreacked havoc throughout the downtown district, uprooted trees, slamming into curbs and sending pedestrians scurrying for cover. Fortunately, no serious injuries were reported.

     Continuing its hellish trek eastward, the Buick managed to take out a row of new cars at one car lot and skidded out of town sideways on Highway 50, its driver snoring away peacefully. Finally, as if by heavenly intervention the Buick turned off from the main thoroughfare, climbed the hill and ran out of gas in the parking lot of the Black Canyon National Park.  Assault rangers arrived hours later and fired a volley of a pee-shot from their special issue squirrel rifles (with silencers) into the offenders’ windshield.

     Police arrived on the scene the next afternoon and and cited the driver for leaving the scene of an accident and for not wearing a seatbelt.

Filed Under: Hard News

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