Parking Should Improve Almost Overnight

(Crested Butte) Town fathers and mothers have reportedly purchase some 3,000 bites of cyberspace which will be turned into parking spaces by winter. According to the architects of the acquisition the space was cheap, compared to current real estate market appraisals.

“It’s a lot like mineral rights and dog poop under the snow,” said one proponent of the plan. “We all know what’s under there but it takes a cosmic reintroduction to create the desired results.”
When completed, the cyberspace will accommodate roughly 3,000 vehicles and generate an estimated $25,000 per day in additional parking fines for the town.

“Those funds will be kept under the bed and then used to buy more cyberspace in the future,” said one conceptual engineer. “We don’t want to be another anything. We just want to find a place to park before the end of the century.”

In addition to alleviating a major traffic problem the move could create 100 new jobs for valet cyberspace parking attendants and some 25 security personnel who will check “lift tickets” displayed by motorists.

“The benefits of additional space should be quite noticeable at peak times of the season such as festival weekends and the day the food stamps arrive in town.

– Rocky Flats


Filed Under: Lifestyles at Risk


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