Toole in custody on spy rap

(Midland TX) Career diplomat and FBI fire marshal, Melvin Toole is in jail here accused of spying on the Trump Administration for the Republic of Freedonia. The suspect was observed taking photographs of the president and his guests at an unidentified donor’s ranch near here.

When apprehended by Secret Service agents out on a routine iced tea run, Toole had with him a set of digital binoculars, a six-pack of Lone Star and a topo map of downtown Toledo, Ohio.

A message from Toole to Freedonian freedom fighters, intercepted by intelligence sources in Texas, reports that “Nothing of interest is going on here”.

Espionage experts at Dreamland Security say Toole has sent as many as fifty such dispatches to Freedonia since Opening Day of baseball seaso, 2017. The experts say he is using a very complex and archaic code which has yet to be broken even though it only uses three letters and the pound sign.

“This information matches up with data collected by other suspected Freedonian agents operating in Washington,” said one agent, who alleged that spies employed every method of communication from homing pigeons to E-mail.

An arraignment is scheduled for later in the week. Anyone wishing to turn himself/herself in as an alleged Freedonian spy should call the White House.

– Gabby Haze

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion

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