Toole Boasts About Bluffing to His Readers

“The inside of my head is far more interesting than city council meetings and gov’ment press releases. I prefer to make up the news.”

That’s what one man told us when asked about the ethics of spreading mistruths.

Satire is often based on some ridiculous twist of fate or departure from reality. It only wants to entertain. Lies or fake news is an attempt to change one’s behavior and opinions by presenting falsehoods on which to base future action.

Citing “Trump vs Trudeau” Toole argued that the court had found for the plaintiff and therefore dictates similar actions with regard to mistruths and misrepresentation. He added that the similarity of consonants at the beginning of the leaders’ names clearly indicates previous collusion.

Unable to read or write, the longtime copy editor made friends easily despite constantly stretching the truth for profit.

“One of the least confrontational chaps in a world full of ambush and pettiness.,” said longtime friend, Arthur Stanley Blurts, who was incarcerated from 2009 to 2011 for lying to his mother.

“I could bamboozle anyone from a sheik to a shoeshine boy,” whelped Toole. “I particularly enjoy lying to special counsels and public libraries.”

Making up statistics and gift wrapping them as the truth creates victims on both sides of the maneuver. The liar starts to believe his own lies while the lied to is thrown into a no-man’s land where no one could be trusted. Healthy human beings learn to embrace honesty in second grade.

“He not only creates all of this mindless intrigue in his head but he tells everyone it the real deal. People are so confused at this point that no one knows the square root of 49 anymore. That’s my lucky number so beat it. I’m on my way to see my sugar,” said Blurts.

Toole did not return our calls Friday. A close aide said he was quite busy on the driving range and afterward was expected at a liar’s poker tournament in the greenskeeper’s shed.

-Gabby Haze

Filed Under: Soft News

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