TOOL QUITS JOURNALISM

(Manana) Award winning associate editor, Melvin Toole, has resigned from his lucrative position at the San Juan Horseshoe effective Friday. He will pursue a career in professional rodeo. Recent successes at bull riding and calf roping seem to have convinced the scribe to change jobs.

Toole has been on a sabbatical since May and has been earning extra money playing the accordion outside Coors Field at Rockies games. He became an overnight rodeo fanatic after a torrid love affair with Trudy Belle Lorenzo, Hall of Fame barrel racer and dry land wheat farmer from lavish East Colona.

Toole plans to throw his hat into the professional rodeo ring next spring.

“I’ve watched a lot of rodeo on TV,” said the 82-year old Tool who gained national notoriety in 1979 when he bravely crossed the Black Canyon of the Gunnison with a pair of hastily constructed wax wings. Later in 1987 he became the only white man to have successfully negotiated the San Miguel River from Shamrock Mines to Vanadium while totally emerged in a ramshackle oak whiskey barrel and without the aid of artificial breathing apparatus. Last year Tool thrilled Montrose County Fair participants as he scaled Friendship Hall, again in a barrel and without the aid of a net.

Sporting bumper stickers which read: “Better dead than deadlines” and “Bull riders are my type” the former journalist kissed his desk goodbye and drove off into the sunset accompanied by his dog “Rollo” and a bucket of fried chicken wings.

 – Uncle Pahgre

Filed Under: Fractured Opinion

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