The Tarzan and Jane Dialogues

“A Monkey’s Uncle”

Once again the adventures of your favorite jungle friends are sponsored by O’Hara’s Gourmet Foot Powder and Pink Eye Lotion for the livestock in all of us. “Buy a Gift Basket for the bovine who has captured your heart.” We join this month’s episode in progress.

The scene: A tree house in West Central Africa.

Tarzan: Cheetah like name. She say so.

Jane: But darling, you mistakenly named your pet after a spotted cat. What if Cheetah rejoins the other apes? What happens then? What about her future mate?

Tarzan: Cheetah good name for monkey.

Jane: Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I like it.

Tarzan: Tarzan only uncle here. Jane not uncle.

Jane: Oh, sorry, dear, that’s just an expression.

Tarzan: Jane confuse Tarzan.

Jane: And that’s no chore. Getting back to Cheetah’s plight why can’t we just change her name to something like “Banzo” or “King Kong”?

Tarzan: Jane make joke?

Jane: No joke, Tarzan. What about Konga or Tanga or Carla?

Tarzan: Banzo played with Ronald Reagan. King Kong try to eat New York. Cheetah nice monkey.

Jane: Tarzan, dear, we need to address this situation before Cheetah matures. Remember all the problems we had with Boy in junior high school, in part because of the name you gave him.

Tarzan: Boy good name for boy.

Jane: But the other children made fun of him.

Tarzan: Tarzan think Jane worry too much. Tarzan go out and wrestle with lions, call elephants, throw spears, something important. Jane want to change Cheetah’s name…that OK but remember monkey has name on business cards and personalized stationery.

Jane: Maybe your right, dear, have fun with your animal friends but be careful.

THE END

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